To become WHAT?

I'm here in a Caffè at this moment. My cup is empty. And I'm trying to compose a new blog.
So what's up? I just skipped my class today. I'm not in the mood to attend, and I'm so lazy about it.
My head burned out so much yesterday. I really hate Math. Coz, I don't let myself to like it when I was a child. That's why, maybe.

Days passed, and I'm still studying myself. Knowing myself. And I realized that... I really don't let myself to understand those things. Those realities. So I became such a horrible mess. (ok, I'm digging the past again) I want to accept myself again. Like how I love myself before..

I've done a BIG MISTAKES. And I'm still trying to accept those. Until now..
But wait, I've just said that 'I want to accept myself again'.. So what's with this shit?
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I'm planning to talk to Krusty someday, but.. I want it to happen by accident. 'Accident'? I want to act like it isn't on purpose. But I want to talk to him while having a clear mind. I want to be ready to talk If ever that 'accident' is going to happen.

So for now, I want to think clearly. I don't want us to be so called 'stranger'. I really don't like that. It hurts me so much, honestly. But, I'm the one who build the wall between us. Coz, I'm afraid to hurt him again..that's why I ended up not talking to him. So maybe he taught that, he's just nothing for me. And that's why I called myself a STUPID DUMBASS.

I'm going to be an observant type of person from now on. I won't let my head fly somewhere again. I wanna be a fast thinker when the arguments come. I will give some exercise to my weak acuity to give that strength. I realized that... I became a 'DON'T CARE' type of person? It's just like, I don't actually care about my surroundings, but I'm easily affected by their words against me. And that's a selfish thing.

Will I be able to accomplish these things? Will I become a better person? I want to change myself for good. I want to acknowledge people around me also. Not only to myself. And I want to be ready ALWAYS if 'something' will happen. I won't let it just go in the flow. To balance things aren't that hard, are they?
Beacuse, this is LIFE.

Problems come easily,y'know.. that's the way of nature. But,the REAL one is how you can handle those. How to survive a cruel and a beautiful world.

But one more thing.. you must love yourself, so you will have a gut to love someone.
And you must be true to yourself.

Have a nice day!