Family, Friends and BF?

SIGH.
   I feel so uncomfortable, irritated and confused about being 'unbalance'.
I went to my friend's house just to relax my mind. I'm so stressed out in school. :( I need my friends to change my 'stress atmosphere'. Yes, it was changed. I laughed out loud. We joke around. Laughed. Laughed and laughed. It relieves my 'stress'.
But then, I forgot one thing.... my brothers. I didn't check my phone on time to make sure that my father will pick them up. And fortunately, my father did. Such a relief but... with short heart attack when my father called me. I know, it was my fault. WHAT IF,he didn't came to pick up my brothers? I just realized that. So thank god, it didn't happen.

I'm wrong. I should understand my family, I'm the oldest.. My brothers are also my obligation to take care of as a BIG sister. But sometimes, I need a break. I don't know... I'm just.. confused. I want to spare my time with my friends also, y'know? I want to breathe some new fresh air outside coz I'm stuck here.. In front of computer, kitchen, bed, sofa... HERE. But I didn't say that I'm ALWAYS stuck HERE inside.. of course I'm hanging out with my friend SOMETIMES, and that 'sometimes' are always a BIG DEAL. What I mean is, when I went out, QUESTIONS and ARGUMENTS are always there next. SIGH.. Am I being selfish again? I love my family, and.. I just want to be with my friends.

Speaking of having a boyfriend? Will I be able to balance myself among them?
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 Ok,While I was walking home from my friend's house,I saw Krusty (so random) AND I'M REALLY 100%SURE. ( I wonder If he saw me..) We're closed enough. So what's up? I'm wrong about what I thought last time. I'm so stupid. Krusty and my friend just crossed each other last sunday on the streets. And... oh,shit. Why did I feel something ' :) ' after I concluded? Uhm.. honestly, yes. I was glad after I heard about that. F*cking WHY?!

 My friend..that girl is really a good friend,I'm so STUPID about thinking about------. Then,she left some words to me, before I left them earlier.. And it bothers me.. A LOT until now.
    "He said that, you just pitied him.."

O-my. So he talked about it to her? Why did he....  And there you go again,Denise: overthinking time.
JUST STOP IT NOW.

Goodnight Goodnight!