19

5 days ago..
It was my 19th birthday. I was happy. I celebrated my birthday with my family,friends..and Krusty? Yeah, we haven't seen each other for a long time.I acted strange that time. I couldn't talk or even say HI. And he did the same. Well..that's us. Maybe,It takes time to..feel comfortable again. (actually, I'm still blaming myself). OK ENOUGH. :)

Those days that passed were incredible. I didn't wrote for awhile coz I've been putting too much pressure on myself. I cried. I laughed. Sometimes..I feel 'WHAT?' about myself. I just.. argh.
But then, I realized that.. maybe I'm still knowing myself.

Sometimes..I think that .. "how will I be able to know myself, If I'm always at home? How can I learn different lessons in life?". Then..why can't I choose contentment? I wanted to be.. but I can't.
So today onwards.. I'm 19. Should I drink beers? Should I go to disco? Should I put make up on my face? Should I...become a proper TEENAGER? But wait.. I think, I'm just rushing myself to experience something like those teenagers in movies. (laughs) I dunno.
Maybe.. this year onwards. I will try to get better. I wanna understand my life and to explore new things that others will able to be with me to have fun, not to destroy.

I miss that person who became a biggest part of me last year. But now, I can't tell him that. This year.. I hope that we'll become better.

"We all want to see things get better. But where you are right this minute doesn't have to disturb you. You can choose to believe that God is working and things are changing, and you will see the result of it in due time.
Life is all about the CHOICES we make, so choose contenment and satisfaction every single day of your life."

After I read these.. I want to feel contented. I know,I made a lot of mistakes before..and I might make another again someday..but I want to TRY to be better. I'm going to try.

Ordinary Day

HEYY! :) Awful!! -_-
Whatta day. Uhm.. So sleepy. But wait, awhile ago, I'm so pissed about what my mother said to me. Coz,I went outside and came home LATE? Ok, I can understand why..I just felt UGH.
Anyway, I was walking home when I saw Mr. Krabs. But I'm not sure. I just saw him riding his motor, and he was wearing his helmet? It seems familiar..and he was staring at me from a far when the traffic light turned red. I was looking at his shoes, pants and jacket, but not his face. Ok, maybe I was in 'oh,delusion' state that time.
So that's it. Today, I met my friends, My mom scolded me, and I saw Mr.Krab (unsure).
I felt... nothing today. -_- I'm lack of energy,I think.
So boring.

Hope that tomorrow won't be the same.

Move On

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Ok, Move on. (laughs) If I talk about love. Yikes, it sucks... I'm in the mid of negotiating with my mind and heart. TF? But, in the very first place.. I'm writing it because of that.
Today was...uhm  let's call it 'ordinary', or maybe a 'habit'? Nothing special, but something damn weird aches I've just felt.
Moving on is simply as it said. Yeah...  I'm dwelling on my past. I'm trying to think positive... EVERYDAY, but..can't escape with those memories.. those days, those.....

Speaking of moving on.. I think, it really takes a lot of time to accept it 100%. And that's it, no more arguments for this time, just go with flow. To tell myself the truth, I'm quite jealous..on what I've just heard earlier.
But, I'm being too stone. I felt the pain, so I tried to put anesthesia on me. It workssss. It really fucking works.
Hoping that it will work again.
Goodnight!