Accept

It's been a month since I wrote down here. Well.. these week had been difficult. Thanks god,that I'm feeling ok now.

June 29. We saw each other. (I'm not in the mood to take all the details what happened that day). He kissed me, then.. I just stood there like a frozen mermaid. WTH. I should slap him or push him.. but I didn't. How dare me. DAMN (Denise is so irritating, bitch). I hated myself because of that. Am I that weak? Longing for his kiss. Oh,shit. That day.. my mother got angry when she discovered about my 'secret date'. I hang up my cellphone.. I held his hand FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME OF MY LIFE (I've never done that before to any guy).. I held his hand while I was thinking what should I do.. I was planning to say YES to him, in front of my mother. But, after he took away his hand... I felt my heart slighty crushing down. It was so different. HE IS SO DIFFERENT like what he used to be before. And I understand why, but there's a thing that I really can't.. Why did he kiss me so easily? I was so confused, I managed myself to keep calm. I wanted him to come to my house with me, but he refused.

Friday. I went to my friend's house to talk about what that man said to her about me.. about HOW IRRITATING I AM TO HIM. (not exactly, it's called: exaggerating) And he tell the MISTAKES I made to him. And so on....
Ok, enough. I don't want to continue this. Straight to the point. I therefore conclude that.. I'm not good for him. HE HATES CHILDISH WOMAN LIKE ME. And I don't like that he hates me.. even though he was saying "I still love you". Your ass!
 Why some people have that easy tongue that throwing up and saying loud 'ily' even they really didn't mean it? You know.. You can feel it, If that person really loves you.

I think, he..has changed. He doesn't want to be included anymore.
I accept. I accept everything, everything that happened between us. Accept my faults. Accept his faults (coz  He makes me feel like I'm always wrong, and that is wrong). And accept that, we will never be 'US'.
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Right now, I'm contented that I and my mom are okay. I disappointed my parents for being a bitchy clingy liar. And I was feeling down and sorry. They still accepted me. I was wrong... I was wrong for having that mind..who wants them to understand me. Well, of coarse, I want some 'teenage life'..some called,'freedom' And I've never thought that they just want me to be 'good'. In a good situation. They want me to avoid danger. They're just afraid of something that they can't understand. And they're right... My mom is right. "there's a lot of guy who you will meet in the future, and I'm telling you... he's not the right guy".(coz If he is... he won't leave).
Maybe, they're not always RIGHT but.. they're just protecting you. (I'm trying to understand and I will in the upcoming problem events but hoping that... they will understand me too)
I appreciate my mom. I REALLY LOVE HER. We had fights often... yet..

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Lessons learned.
Love is patience and kind BUT YOUR GOAL NOW ISN'T HAVING A BF..It's...
to study hard and  get the diploma and  GO WORK ABROAD. BE A SUCCESSFUL 'girl'.
Always find the ways to be better.